Radiasi Ponsel Merusak Sperma 1 comments

BRISBANE - Tampaknya kaum laki-laki yang doyan mengobrol berjam-jam dengan menggunakan telepon seluler (ponsel) perlu berhati-hati. Bisa-bisa, mereka akan kehilangan kesempatan menjadi seorang ayah.

Apa pasal? Ternyata, radiasi yang ditimbulkan ponsel bisa merusak kualitas sperma.

Penelitian Universitas Newcastle menemukan bahwa terdapat kerusakan DNA pada sperma yang diakibatkan oleh penggunaan ponsel yang berlebihan. Dalam eksperimennya, para peneliti menggunakan radiasi yang dibuat menyerupai radiasi yang dihasilkan sebuah ponsel.

Penelitian pendahuluan yang diperagakan dalam sebuah konferensi mengenai kesuburan di Brisbane, Senin (20/10), seperti dilansir news.com.au merupakan penelitian pertama mengenai hal ini dan mendukung penelitian lain di AS yang menyebutkan bahwa pengguna berat telepon seluler memiliki sperma 40% lebih rendah dibanding pengguna ringan.

Para peneliti di Universitas Newcastle tersebut mengembangkan sebuah alat yang dapat memancarkan radiasi pada frekuensi radio yang sama dengan radiasi akibat panggilan telepon.

Profesor John Aitken, direktur Pusat Bioteknologi dan Perkembangan mengatakan, pihaknya mampu mengidentifikasi secara akurat perpecahan DNA di dalam sperma. ”Setelah 16 jam terekspose (radiasi), terlihat bukti nyata kerusakan sperma,” ungkap Profesor Aitken.

”Hal ini memang merupakan penemuan yang amat dini. Tapi ini membangkitkan kekhawatiran yang amat sangat,” tambahnya.

Kerusakan DNA di dalam sperma telah diidentifikasikan dengan kesuburan yang menurun, meningkatnya risiko keguguran, dan berbagai penyakit lain yang menyerang keturunan seperti kanker pada usia kanak-kanak, dan kerusakan neurologis seperti autisme, kelainan bipolar, dan schizophrenia spontan.

Prof Aitken mengemukakan, telah lama diketahui bahwa perpecahan DNA sperma disebabkan oleh infeksi, merokok, dan usia lanjut. Namun hanya sedikit penelitian yang meneliti hubungannya dengan penggunaan ponsel.

* taken from Suara Merdeka *

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Cinta Laki-laki dan Perempuan 0 comments

Jangan buru-buru menilai pasangan Anda tidak perhatian atau tidak lagi mencintai Anda. Satu hal perlu Anda ingat, konsep cinta berbeda antara laki-laki dan perempuan.

Meski demikian, perbedaan itu tidak lantas menjadikan laki-laki dan perempuan saling berseberangan. Sebaliknya, perbedaan itu justru memberikan ruang untuk berkompromi, karena pada satu titik, perbedaan itu menemukan persimpangannya.

Di antara perbedaan paling ekstrim adalah:

1. Perempuan: cinta = perhatian
Lelaki: cinta = kepercayaan
Salah satu tanda cinta bagi perempuan adalah perhatian. Kita senang memberi sekaligus menerima perhatian. Sekecil apa pun perhatian yang diberikan pasangan, kita akan merasa istimewa dan dicintai. Misalnya, dikirimi SMS setiap hari, meski pesannya hanya uapan selamat pagi atau selamat tidur.

Sementara itu, bagi laki-laki, yang menyamai arti perhatian adalah kepercayaan. Lelaki menganggap jika pasangan yang dicintainya memberikan kepercayaan penuh padanya, itu berarti sang kekasih meyakini bahwa ia telah melakukan yang terbaik bagi mereka berdua. Lelaki tak suka dibanjiri SMS. Apalagi jika pesannya berisi, "Kamu di mana?" Selain mengganggu, pesan ini seolah menunjukkan kita tak memercayainya.

2. Perempuan: butuh pengertian
Lelaki: butuh penerimaan
Selain perhatian, hal lain yang kita butuhkan dalam hubungan adalah rasa dimengerti. Kaum lelaki memang sulit memahami kita. Namun, mereka punya cara untuk mengatasinya. Banyak lelaki diberi kemampuan mendengarkan keluh kesah kita tanpa menghakimi. Ia juga dapat memberikan empatinya. Sikap lelaki yang lebih mudah memahami ini bukan didapat dari mengetahui pikiran atau perasaan seorang perempuan. Ini karena lelaki selalu berusaha mengumpulkan makna-makna dari apa yang dia dengar dan dia lihat untuk membenarkan apa yang disampaikan kekasihnya.

Sementara, perempuan yang kadang tidak berdaya mengubah kekasihnya akhirnya dengan penuh cinta menerima si Dia apa adanya. Dan, inilah yang membuat lelaki merasa bahagia dan sangat dicintai.

3. Perempuan: ingin dihormati
Lelaki: ingin dihargai
Kita akan merasa dihormati bila lelaki menanggapi dengan mengakui dan mengutamakan hak-hak, harapan dan kebutuhan-kebutuhan kita. Jika tingkah laku si Dia selalu mempertimbangkan pikiran-pikiran dan perasaan kita, pasti kita akan merasa senang dan dihormati.

Sedangkan bagi lelaki, penghargaan atau dihargai merupakan reaksi alami terhadap perasaan didukung. Jika usahanya dihargai, lelaki akan tahu bahwa usahanya tidak sia-sia. Lelaki yang merasa dihargai secara otomatis lebih bersemangat dan terdorong untuk lebih menghormati pasangannya. Anda pasti masih ingat rumus PDKK, alias, puji dulu, kemudian kritik.

4. Perempuan: butuh kesetiaan
Lelaki: butuh rasa kagum
Perempuan sangat menginginkan dan mengagungkan kesetiaan. Laki-laki akan dengan suka rela memberikan kesetiaannya jika dia merasa pasangan mengagumi dan menghormati hak-haknya.

5. Perempuan: mengharap ketegasan
Lelaki: mengharap persetujuan
Perempuan membutuhkan bukti verbal. Misalnya, perempuan tak akan pernah bosan menerima ungkapan rasa cinta dan sayang yang diutarakan lewat kata-kata. Demikian pula, perempuan membutuhkan kata "jadian" terucap dengan jelas, tegas dan langsung sebagai bukti keabsahan hubungan.

Sementara lelaki, tak perlu ucapan verbal. Cukup dengan anggukan atau tanda persetujuan lainnya, dia sudah merasa mantap melanjutkan hubungan dengan Anda.

* taken from Suara Merdeka Cyber News *

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Jealousy: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly 1 comments

Are you too jealous? It's normal to feel jealous in some situations—but what if it's all of them? When does it cross the line? I'll explain when jealousy is appropriate, when jealousy is inappropriate and when it's just plain extreme. Plus, check out my foolproof seven-step plan for taming the green-eyed monster in all of us.

Where It Comes From

Trust: It's quite possibly the most essential ingredient in a good relationship. You can have matching libidos. You can have the same goals, dreams and desires. You can both enjoy wearing space suits during sex! But without trust, it all means nothing. For some people, trust comes easily. They work on the assumption that someone will be faithful until they're proven wrong. If this is you, count yourself as one of the lucky ones. Sure, you might get a nasty surprise now and again, but at least you're giving relationships the best chance they've got to succeed. Giving someone your trust means putting your heart in their hands for safe keeping. It's a precious present and it takes guts to do it.

Then there are the rest of us: the battle-scarred. If you've been hurt before, or if you grew up with parents who cheated, trusting your partner can seem as foolish as standing in the middle of a four-lane highway and expecting not to get hit by a car. Others hover somewhere in the middle. But how do you determine what's a "healthy" level of jealousy and what's getting way out of control?

The Good

Everyone gets jealous occasionally. If you love your partner and you feel someone is threatening to take them from you by flirting, it's normal to feel a possessive pang of jealousy... one that's usually sorted out in a second with a bit of reassurance. Other times it's just that you've chosen the wrong person. Match a "normal" person up with someone who presses all the wrong buttons and just watch all that "normalcy" go right out the window as he or she become outrageously, irrationally jealous. Sometimes jealousy is warranted. If your partner has a history of playing around or if he's done something to justify your mistrust—cheated on you or has a history of cheating—you're wise to keep your eyes open.

The Bad

The difference between normal jealousy and abnormal jealousy is this: Truly jealous people experience it with practically every person they date. They could date Mother Theresa and still be convinced she was squeezing in a bit of hanky-panky on her way home from the orphanage. In fact, most jealous people know they have a problem. Once they've calmed down, most also know they've been illogical. The trouble is, when you're in the middle of a jealous rage, you lose all sense of perspective. Jealousy is an incredibly powerful emotion. You can't control it because it's being fed by one continuous thought: Is my partner being unfaithful to me?

Jealous people look at the world through distorted lenses. They see danger where there really isn't any. It also has a lot to do with self-esteem. If you're happy with yourself, you're much more likely to think Why would my partner want anyone else when they've got me? A healthy ego is great protection against jealousy.

The Ugly

Extreme jealousy is an ugly emotion. A doctor friend of mine tells the story of a woman in her thirties with terminal cancer who had to spend a lot of time in bed. She bought some pretty pajamas so she could look good for her husband, but instead of complimenting her, he flew into a jealous rage and accused her of trying to look attractive for the hospital staff. A psychiatrist told me about a patient who wired up his entire house with microphones so he could tape the supposed sex sessions his wife had while he was at work. They weren't rich and he spent their life savings doing it. All he recorded was her doing the dishes and gossiping on the phone to girlfriends. (So much for that vacation they'd been saving up for.) There's another quite bizarre case of a man who was so jealous, he was convinced his wife was being unfaithful during the few minutes he left the bed during the night to use the bathroom.

The couple where one or both partners are jealous is easy to spot: They're the ones who stay home. The only stress-free environment for that kind of a couple is on the couch with a DVD and a bottle of wine because any public place—pubs, restaurants, even shopping—has potential rivals (i.e. people of the opposite sex). But some people can't even bear to have their partners watching attractive people on television and in movies. Even the news becomes a problem if the newsreader happens to be attractive.

The saddest thing of all is that jealousy not only won't stop people from being unfaithful; it makes it more likely they will be. If you accuse someone often enough of having an affair, they eventually think, Hey, if they believe it, I might as well do it. The second biggest fear of a jealous person is that her partner will leave her, but if she continues to make his life hell, he probably will. Don't let this happen to you. Take a deep breath and make a commitment to follow this seven-step program which can solve the problem permanently. It's not a quick fix. It takes time and effort. But it does work. I know—I did it!

The Seven-Step Fix

Before you start the program, it helps to understand what's making you jealous. Identify the reason: Is it insecurity, your childhood, your past, your own cheating history (if we find it hard to be unfaithful, we don't expect others to be)—or a combination of all four? If the answer's not obvious, force yourself to think outside the box; for example, it might stem from sitting through all the gory details when your best friend's heart got smashed to smithereens by a lover who cheated. Also work on your self-esteem: The more highly you think of yourself, the less likely you'll believe your partner would dream of risking your relationship.

Finally, you need to change your behavior and this is where we start the seven steps:

* Every single time you have a jealous thought, write it down and rate how strongly you believe it on a scale from one to 10. Ex: My boyfriend is having an affair with a girl from work: Nine (I'm certain this is true).
* Underneath the sentence, list all the reasons why you believe it is or isn't true, no matter how silly they sound. Ex: "He's working late a lot." "He wore his lucky pants to work."
* Wait two minutes and dwell a bit longer on how upset and angry you feel. Deliberately stay in the "rage" state of mind a little while so every single one of those suspicious thoughts surfaces for you to write down.
* Wait another two minutes, but now try to come out of the "rage" state and calm down. Breathe deeply, remind yourself of how you felt after the last jealous rage (unjustified). Then force yourself to challenge each and every point you've listed with a logical explanation. If you find this difficult, imagine your best friend is there with you. How might she challenge those thoughts? Write down the explanations even if you don't believe what you're writing. (He's working late because he wants a promotion. He wore his lucky pants because he had an important presentation.)
* Read through what you've written, focusing on the logical explanations—and re-rate how strongly you now believe the initial thought is true. Accept that there's as much possibility the logical statements are true as it's possible your jealousy-inspired accusations are true.
* Don't rejoin your partner until you've reduced your initial rating (example: nine) at least one point. Don't be alarmed if the minute you walk out of wherever you've been hiding, it all comes flooding back and you shoot back up to nine. Just congratulate yourself that you regained a small amount of control when normally you would have just stormed out without thinking.
* If you still feel out of control, repeat the exercise or leave. Go back and go through the steps one more time. If it's not working, go home—with or without your partner—and try it again there.

Keep repeating this exercise. If you're an extremely jealous person it will have little effect during the first few weeks. However, one month in, you'll notice a small improvement. Two months in, you'll see a significant change. Three months in, you're well on the road to living life as non-jealous people do. Please don't give up. Keep writing things down until you can do the exercise mentally, without needing the pen and paper. Once you've trained your mind to challenge silly thoughts with logic, it will start working through the process subconsciously and automatically. This is how "non-jealous" people's brains work. If there is legitimate reason to be jealous, the thought will filter through. So don't panic: You won't suddenly stop seeing real threats; you'll just stop seeing those that aren't.

by Tracey Cox

* taken from http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnsjealousy/0,,traceycox_czr4h32x,00.html*

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Jarang Orgasme Cepat Mati ..?? 0 comments

Manfaat hubungan seksual dengan kesehatan seseorang telah muncul di benak para peneliti. Misalnya para peneliti di Queens University di Belfast yang melakukan penelitian untuk mengetahui hubungan antara kesehatan seseorang dan frekuensi hubungan seksual.

Penelitian ini melibatkan data angka kematian 1.000 pria paruh baya selama satu dekade.

Hasil penelitian yang dipublikasikan British Medical Journal pada 1997 itu berkesimpulan, pria yang memiliki frekuensi orgasme tinggi memiliki angka kematian lebih rendah separuhnya dibandingkan dengan pria yang memiliki sedikit frekuensi orgasme.

Tak hanya itu saja, beberapa penelitian juga mengungkapkan bahwa ada kaitan yang sangat erat di balik frekuensi orgasme yang tinggi.

Apa saja fakta yang terungkap dari penelitian itu? Ini dia datanya:

1. Memperbaharui Indra Penciuman

Setelah melakukan hubungan seksual, produksi hormon prolaktin meingkat. Hal ini akan menyebabkan sel induk di otak membentuk neuron baru di pusat penciuman.

2. Mengurangi Penyakit Jantung

Pada 2001, Queens University melakukan penelitian dengan fokus pada kesehatan jantung. Hasilnya?

Pria yang melakukan aktivitas seksual tiga kali atau lebih seminggu memiliki faktor risiko terkena serangan jantung setengah lebih rendah dibandingkan dengan mereka yang jarang ngeseks.

3. Berat Badan Turun

Aktivitas seksual bisa digolongkan sebagai olahraga. Setara dengan lari selama 15 menit di treadmill atau bermain squash satu game.

Bukan hanya membakar kalori, denyut jantung pun naik dari 70 detak/menit menjadi 120 detak/menit. Kontraksi otot selama berhubungan seksual terjadi pada panggul, paha, pantat, lengan, leher dan paru-paru.

Ngeseks juga membuat produksi testoteron meningkat, yang berakibat menjadi kuatnya tulang dan otot.

4. Mengurangi Depresi

Berdasarkan penelitian pada 2002 terhadap 293 wanita, Gordon Gallup, seorang psikolog dari AS melaporkan bahwa perempuan yang berhubungan seksual dengan pasangan yang tidak berkondom jarang terkena depresi, dibandingkan dengan wanita yang ngeseks bersama pria berkondom.

Kuncinya ada di prostaglandin, hormon yang hanya ditemukan di cairan sperma. Hormon ini diserap di saluran genital wanita dan kemudian mempengaruhi hormon wanita yang mengatur soal emosi.

5.Pelepas Nyeri

Biasanya sesudah orgasme, tingkat hormon oksitokin meningkat lima kali dibandingkan dengan kondisi normal. Hormon ini berhubungan dengan pelepasan endorfin, yang mengurangi nyeri apa saja, mulai dari sakit kepala sampai radang sendi hingga migrain. Pada perempuan, hubungan seksual juga membantu produksi estrogen yang dapat menurunkan nyeri akibat sindrom premenstruasi (PMS).

6. Mengurangi Flu dan Demam

Berdasarkan penelitian Wilkes University di Pennsylvania diketahui bahwa melakukan kegiatan seksual 1-2 kali sepekan dapat meningkatkan kadar antibodi yang dikenal dengan immunoglobulin A atau pendongkrak sistem kekebalan.

7. Mengontrol Kandung Kemih

Sadar atau tidak, setiap Anda menahan kencing, sebenarnya sudah melakukan senam kegel. Setiap orang yang melakukan ML, pasti secara spontan akan melakukan senam kegel.

8. Gigi jadi lebih baik

Seminal Plasma (cairan yang membuat sel sperma bisa bergerak) mengandung seng, kalsium, dan mineral lain yang teryata dapat menghambat kerusakan gigi.

9. Prostat yang lebih berkualitas

Beberapa urolog berpendapat bahwa ada hubungan antara tidak seringnya ejakulasi dengan kanker prostat. Ini berdasarkan pola pikir produksi cairan seminal, prostat, dan gelembung seminal membutuhkan bahan dari darah seperti seng, asam sitrik dan potasium yang ke semua itu dipadatkan di dalam prostat.

Semua karsinogen yang ada di darah juga dipadatkan. Ketimbang ngendon, lebih baik dikeluarkan melalui ML. Kalau cuma sekadar keluar, masturbasi juga dapat menjadi jalan terbaik.

* taken from INILAH.COM *

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Tips To Spice Up Your Sex Life 0 comments

Here is what millions of women, and some men, get every night. After they come home from work, had some dinner with their partner who, maybe helped maybe watched his partner clean up the kitchen afterwards, sat in his comfy chair and watched the telly a few hours with barely a word spoken. Then once in bed and the lights were out he begins to paw you like frenzied grizzly bear, yanking at your nightie, foul breath in your face, and he expects you to be “in the mood.” At moments like these don’t you feel more like a zoo keeper wrestling with an animal then a lover? If he isn’t the type of man who will read this with you maybe you can just leave it out some place where he will have to see it, like taped up over the toilet! It can’t hurt. Even if only one or two suggestions gets through it will be an enormous boost to your sex life!

1. While your love is cooking or washing the dishes go up behind him or her, and wrap your arms around their waist. Nuzzle your face into their neck and tell them how much you love them. If you're lucky they will turn around to give you a kiss. Or offer to help them with those dirty dishes so they will be finished faster and you can get to the fun part of the evening. Jeez, don’t just stand there watching them work!

2. When walking past your love (around the house, in the yard, while shopping, while at a barbeque, etc.) make it a point to touch them. This could be a quick touch to the shoulder or waist, or a kiss on the cheek. But be careful with these touches, make them light, if you are too rough she may interpret them as a hit or slap and then you are not getting any sex for a long time.

3. Snuggle together on the couch while watching TV. Hold hands, caress her hair or arms, kiss during commercials. Even better during those commercials offer to go to the kitchen and get her a drink or some dessert after her dinner. Don’t forget to wash those dirty dishes up too.

4. Take your sweetheart's hand while driving in the car, or walking together. Good Idea. Walk her ass right into that mall and buy her something real pretty, like a new dress. Bet you that would get her attention.

5. When you arrive home, before doing anything else, approach your sweetheart for a hug and kiss. Some flowers and candy can’t hurt either. Hugs and kisses are nice but they are free. Try bringing home a little gift once in awhile, cheapscape!

6. If you sleep together, snuggle up to your partner when you go to bed tonight. If either of you need space to sleep you can break away after snuggling. If you don’t sleep together it means you have been banished to the sofa or guest bedroom for some reason so you better go back and memorize every one of these suggestions and do them every day so you can get back into her good graces.

7. When your love arrives home from work take her hand and pull her towards you for a hug, kiss and say "I missed you today". Also add “I’m taking you to dinner tonight so forget about cooking and cleaning, your hands are way too delicate for that.” That will get you laid in a minute.

8. Offer to brush her hair. Offer to brush your hair …..and your teeth!
While having dinner together (at a restaurant or at home) reach across the table and hold hands. You could also hold hands under the table. It would help if in your hand when you reached across the table to take her hand in yours to have a small box in it with a jewelers mark on it and something expensive inside. Jewelry can always get someone some good sex.

So men after reading these tips if you are not getting the best sex of your life than you are either not following instructions or you don’t really love the one you’re with or you are a complete idiot. Either way it’s all your fault so don’t cry to me…I tried to help you.

* taken from http://www.luvpeek.com/tips-for-romance *

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Mitos Perempuan di Mata Pria 0 comments

Anda mengkhawatirkan dirinya, dianggap posesif, Anda perhatian eh, dikira ngatur. Ah… jangan buru-buru senewen dulu. Mungkin karena dia memang sudah punya stereotip tentang perempuan yang perlu diluruskan. Nah, tugas Andalah yang melakukannya.

Perempuan cerewet
Kenyataannya
Menurut penelitian, perempuan punya kemampuan berbahasa lebih baik dibanding pria. Saat bicara, perempuan memakai kedua sisi otak kiri dan kanan sekaligus. Selain itu, otak pria memiliki kemampuan menyortir informasi, sedangkan perempuan cenderung mengaduk dan mengendapkannya dalam pikiran. Bicara adalah cara Anda mengatasi masalah yang dihadapi.

Laki-laki sulit memahami keinginan perempuan karena Anda tidak pernah puas atas apa pun yang mereka berikan
Kenyataannya
Sesungguhnya Anda cukup puas dan bangga atas hasil yang diberikan pasangan, tapi sebagai perempuan Anda bisa melihat potensi pasangan bahwa ia bisa melakukan lebih baik lagi. Biar tak salah paham, sekecil apa pun usaha dia untuk menyenangkan Anda, beri apresiasi. Ucapan terima kasih dengan tulus cukup membesarkan egonya.

Perempuan terlalu sensitif sehingga terkadang tidak rasional
Kenyataannya
Disadari atau tidak, perempuan berkomunikasi dengan perasaan lebih banyak ketimbang pria. Seorang neurolog , profesor Ruben Gur dari University of Pennsylvania menggunakan uji scan otak untuk memperlihatkan bahwa otak laki-laki ketika dalam keadaan istirahat, sedikitnya 70% aktivitas elektriknya ‘mati’. Sedangkan pada otak perempuan, 90% aktivitas elektriknya tetap menyala.
Menjadi sensitif dan dapat berpikir rasional dalam waktu yang bersamaan adalah kelebihan Anda.

Perempuan ingin selalu mengontrol dan menguasai laki-laki
Kenyataannya
Perempuan bukan ingin mengontrol, hanya ingin memastikan saja bahwa Si Dia baik-baik saja. Anda hanya ingin selalu jadi orang pertama yang hadir saat pasangan menghadapi masalah untuk memberikan kenyamanan dan ketentraman. Saat pasangan kesepian, Anda ingin memastikan bahwa dia tidak sendiri.

Perempuan mandiri tidak butuh laki-laki
Kenyataannya
Menjadi superwoman bukan berarti Anda tak butuh pasangan dan alergi pada sayang-sayangan. Katakan padanya bahwa Anda tetap butuh dia untuk memberi dukungan, melindungi dan menguatkan perasaan saat terpuruk. Terkadang, Anda hanya butuh kalimat yang menenangkan dari pasangan untuk membuat perasaannya aman.

Perempuan punya radar pendeteksi di kepalanya
Kenyataannya
Perempuan, seperti juga sebagian besar binatang mamalia betina, dilengkapi dengan kecakapan indera yang jauh lebih baik daripada pria.
Menurut Allan dan Barbara Pease, penulis Sillyman from Mars, Pitywoman from Venus, sebagai orang yang melahirkan dan penjaga rumah, mereka butuh kemampuan merasakan suasana hati, dan perubahan sikap pada orang lain.

by Ika Nurul Syifaa

* taken from Kompas.com *

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Abusive Relationship - Are You Threatened by Your Love? 0 comments

Although some relationships are mutually abusive, more frequently there is an imbalance of power in abusive relationships. While abuse may take the form of physical violence, abuse can also occur on an emotional and verbal level. Here are some steps to help you deal with an abusive partner.

When you are in love with someone, the relationship should bring you joy and a sense of emotional well-being. People who are in a relationship often stand as support systems for one another and share each other's problems and strive together to build a better life and future. However, there is the other side to love, where instead of bringing you happiness, it could be the worse thing in your life.

An abusive relationship can affect an individual's mental and physical well-being. Abusive relationships are not always physical in nature but can even be mental or emotional. If you feel you are in a relationship where you are being abused in any way - physically or emotionally, read on for tips on how to deal with the unfortunate situation:

How to get out of an abusive relationship?

Confide

Many people who are in an abusive relationship do not seek help because they are afraid of social pressures or are scared of their partner. But as long as you don't let someone know that you are suffering, you might never find a way out. If your partner is abusive towards you, talk to someone whom you trust and let them know about your strife. A close friend or family member can share in your sorrow and even help you get out of the relationship. There is no point making yourself suffer because you fear losing your partner or what society might think. In fact, maybe your partner should also get help or go for counseling. But the first step is to accept it and let someone know.

Back up

After you have confided in someone about your problem, make a plan to get yourself out of the situation. You could confront your partner (if you are afraid to do this alone, take someone with you), and move out of the house and start with giving yourself and him or her some alone time. This will help you figure out what you need to do next. Tell your partner things need to change and try to build your life so you don't have to depend on your partner both financially or emotionally.

Get Help

If you don't have friends and family or are too afraid to go to them then get professional help. Seek out institutes or a counsellors and ask them to help you with your situation. If your partner is beyond help and it is impossible to talk to him or her without the threat that they might hurt you, report them to the authorities in order to ensure your safety. But make sure your safety is your first priority. Its better to safe than sorry. You are just doing this for your self defense and there is nothing wrong in thinking about your good and getting rid of such a relation.

Sometimes the abusive partner might not understand that you need to leave and might threaten you or force you stay with them. But you must find a way to get away from this person at any cost for your own sake.

Worst Case Scenario

If you feel that none of the above will work, and if your partner is abusive to the extent that you might think your life is in danger, inform the cops. There is no point trying to sort things our or being careful about things when your life is in danger. Sometimes abusive people need their victims to be around them because it is the victims who give them a sense of power. Therefore, as ironic as it may sound, they need their victims and will do anything to make sure that they do not lose the abused. Which is why there is a chance that if you tell this person you won't take their abuse any longer and want to leave, they might do anything to hold you back and in the process cause some serious harm. So if you feel like this person is a threat to your life, immediately call the police.

The Children

If you have been in this relationship long and share children with the abusive partner, then you need to look out for yourself and your children. Do not let the abusive partner blackmail you with your children. You cannot stay with an abusive person, simply because you share a child with him or her. Besides, your child will probably be better off without the constant abuse and if the abusive partner reforms and changes their ways you can always go back. Act as fast as you can before its too late.

You have to be strong and take hold of your life. Being in such a relation can destroy your happiness. You have a right to be happy, so if you are in an abusive relationship, get help and do yourself some justice. It is your life and you deserve to be happy, so start making changes now!

By Michael Douglas

* taken from www.buzzle.com/editorials/8-27-2006-106755.asp *

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TEST , Emosi Anda Tersiksa atau Tidak ..! 0 comments

Berita di media massa antara lain diwarnai oleh peristiwa kekerasan dalam rumah tangga. Korbannya kalau bukan istri adalah anak-anak. Sebetulnya bentuk kekerasan itu bukan hanya berupa penyiksaan fisik, tapi juga secara psikis.

Secara garis besar kekerasan dalam rumah tangga dapat dibagi dua, yaitu kekerasan fisik seperti pemukulan, penyiksaan badan, pemerkosaan, dan lain-lain, melainkan juga penyiksaan secara psikis atau yang sering disebut batin. Misalnya membatasi ruang gerak, merampas kebebasan, melontarkan kata-kata yang tidak menyenangkan atau menekan perasaan, dan sebagainya.

Apa pun bentuk kekerasan itu, semuanya memberikan dampak yang sangat buruk bagi korbannya, yang umumnya adalah istri. Berikut ini adalah sejumlah pertanyaan yang dapat membantu Anda mengonfirmasi apa yang sesungguhnya terjadi pada rumah tangga Anda. Terjadi kekerasan emosional ataukah sungguh-sungguh merupakan rumah tangga yang bahagia?

Tanda-Tanda Siksaan

1. Apakah pasangan gampang tersinggung, kecewa, dan marah terhadap Anda, kadang beberapa kali seminggu atau bahkan sering? Apakah dia kecewa pada Anda meskipun Anda tidak bermaksud membuatnya kecewa? Apakah Anda sering terkejut dengan kemarahannya atau ledakan emosinya yang mendadak? Apakah kemarahannya ditujukan langsung kepada Anda, atau sesuatu yang menurut dia telah dilakukan/tidak Anda lakukan? Apakah dia menyalahkan Anda atas meledaknya emosinya, kemarahannya, atau kekecewaannya? Apakah kepada Anda dia menyangkal kemarahan atau kekecewaannya? Apakah Anda sendiri mempertanyakan bahwa apa yang telah Anda lakukan seperti selama ini memang membuatnya marah?

2. Apakah ia menolak untuk mendiskusikan hal-hal yang telah membuatnya kecewa, atau menuduh Anda ingin memulai pertengkaran jika mengajaknya berdiskusi? Apakah Anda merasa bahwa masalah yang muncul tidak pernah terselesaikan? Apakah Anda merasakan tidak mudah, tidak bahagia, tertekan, atau terganggu oleh masalah-masalah yang tak terselesaikan itu?

3. Apakah dia sering salah mengerti terhadap perhatian yang Anda berikan? Apakah Anda merasa bingung dan frustrasi akibat salah pengertian yang ditunjukkannya terhadap setiap tindakan Anda?

4. Apakah Anda merasakan telah kehilangan masalah utama dalam hubungan Anda, seperti soal anak, tabungan, rencana pensiun, dan lain-lain karena kurangnya komunikasi sehari-hari telah memakan energi Anda? Misalnya, apakah Anda sering khawatir bahwa dia akan salah mengerti tentang sesuatu hal yang dia pikir telah Anda katakan atau Anda pikir dia katakan? Apakah urusan sehari-hari telah memakan seluruh energi Anda?

5. Apakah Anda kadang-kadang merasa sepertinya ada yang salah dengan diri Anda? Apakah Anda kadang-kadang merasa ada sesuatu yang salah atau buruk, tapi tidak dapat menjelaskan apa itu atau kenapa?

6. Apakah pasangan Anda penuh rahasia? Apakah dia jarang, atau sekadar pernah, menceritakan pikirannya atau rencananya dengan Anda atau mendiskusikan suatu masalah dengan Anda?

7. Apakah pasangan Anda hampir selalu tidak setuju dengan Anda? Jika Anda bilang langit itu biru, apakah dia bilang abu-abu misalnya? Jika Anda bilang film itu bagus, dia bilang jelek? Apakah Anda selalu dibuat agar merasa diri Anda salah sedangkan dia selalu benar?

8. Apakah Anda dihukum jika berkata “tidak” ataukah Anda merasa dibuat agar merasa tidak punya hak untuk bilang “hentikan semua ini!”? Apakah Anda merasa harus mengabdikan diri kepadanya demi terciptakan kedamaian di dalam rumah tangga?

9. Apakah pasangan Anda marah atau cenderung mengelak jika Anda mendekatinya untuk mendiskusikan suatu masalah? Apakah Anda menutup mulut dan menyimpan semuanya sebagai masalah Anda sendiri?

10. Apakah Anda merasa bahwa pasangan memegang kuasa dalam hubungannya dengan Anda? Apakah Anda harus meminta izinnya untuk melakukan sesuatu atau mendapatkan sesuatu, seperti ketika Anda kanak-kanak dulu? Apakah Anda sering meminta maaf kepadanya atas perilaku Anda? Apakah kekuasaan dia yang berlebihan terhadap Anda itu telah membuat Anda merasa “sangat butuh” dan “rendah” terhadap dia?

11. Apakah Anda secara perlahan-lahan telah berhenti berbicara atau tidak pernah lagi menemui keluarga Anda? Apakah Anda telah kehilangan kontak dengan teman-teman Anda? Apakah ia mengkritik teman-teman atau mengecilkan anggota keluarga Anda? Apakah dia memprotes ketika Anda mengunjungi mereka, dan Anda seketika itu juga kembali ke rumah hanya untuk menghindari konfrontasi atau pertengkaran? Apakah perilaku pasangan Anda sering membuat Anda malu? Apakah perilaku Anda yang “merendahkan diri terhadapnya” itu membuat Anda malu?

12. Apakah Anda berpikir bahwa semuanya merupakan kesalahan Anda, sehingga jika Anda dapat memperbaikinya maka semua hal dalam hubungan Anda dengan dia tidak akan ada masalah lagi?

13. Apakah Anda sering memberikan pelayanan seksual hanya supaya terjaga kedamaian? Apakah Anda melakukan hubungan seks atau memenuhi permintaan seksual yang tidak masuk akal, bahkan ketika Anda tidak menginginkannya?

14. Apakah dia menggunakan obat terlarang atau minuman beralkohol? Apakah kepribadiannya berubah karena itu? Apakah Anda pribadi merasa tidak senang ketika melihat dia mulai membuka tutup minuman beralkohol?

15. Apakah dia senang dan menjadikannya sebagai bahan tertawaan jika ada kekurangan atau ketidaksempurnaan Anda?

16. Apakah dia bisa tertawa atas kesalahan yang diperbuatnya, atau atas dirinya sendiri, atau mengakui kelemahan dan kekurangannya?

17. Apakah dia segera dan dengan mudah mengakui ketika berbuat salah? Dapatkah dia meminta maaf atas perilakunya yang buruk? Apakah dia meminta perbuatannya dimaklumi dan menimpakan kesalahan pada orang lain atau sesuatu yang lain? Apakah dia menudingkan jarinya kepada Anda dan membuat Anda merasa bahwa Andalah yang menjadi penyebab kekecewaan atau kesalahan yang diperbuatnya?

18. Apakah dia yang membuat semua keputusan dalam hubungannya dengan Anda? Apakah dia yang merencanakan perjalanan, keuangan, liburan, pembelian mobil, mendisiplinkan anak, hingga soal pensiun?

19. Apakah dia mengontrol, membatasi atau tidak menyetujui pengeluaran Anda? Apakah dia membuat pengaturan keuangan yang ketat, membuat Anda harus menerima bantuan, atau memiliki kebebasan penuh versi dia? Apakah dia membuat Anda tetap tergantung secara finansial terhadapnya?

20. Apakah Anda akan merasa ketakutan atau menemui kesulitan jika dia mendapati Anda membaca kuesioner ini?

Cukup Tiga
Menurut Tigredd Luv yang menyusun kuis ini, jika Anda menjawab “Ya” tiga saja dari pertanyaan tersebut di atas, itu sudah dapat menjadi pertanda bahwa Anda terlibat dalam hubungan yang secara emosional menyiksa.

Mungkin Anda menemukan diri Anda sering mengalami depresi dan bertanya-tanya mengapa. Mungkin Anda hanya merasa tidak bahagia, tapi tak dapat memastikan apa yang menjadi penyebabnya. Atau Anda mungkin menemukan diri Anda bodoh, tidak kompeten, salah, atau tidak baik. Itu semua merupakan pertanda bahwa Anda tersiksa secara emosi, kata Luv.

Jika hal buruk itu terjadi pada Anda, segeralah berkonsultasi kepada psikolog keluarga. Dengan bantuan ahli, mudah-mudahan Anda dan pasangan dapat memiliki hubungan yang lebih setara dan sehat, tanpa penyiksaan fisik maupun psikis.

oleh: M.M. Nilam Widyarini, MSi, dosen pada Fakultas Psikologi Universitas Guna Dharma, Jakarta

* disarikan dari Kompas.com *

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KDRT Bukan Sebatas Kekerasan Fisik 0 comments

Rendahnya pemahaman masyarakat tentang kekerasan dalam rumah tangga (KDRT) merupakan salah satu kendala penanganan KDRT terhadap perempuan.

"Kebanyakan masyarakat masih menganggap itu adalah urusan rumah tangga, jadi tidak mau turut campur. Terutama jika menyangkut kekerasan fisik oleh suami," kata Asnifriyanti Damanik, S.H., Wakil Ketua Pengurus LBH-APIK (Asosiasi Perempuan Indonesia untuk Keadilan).

Sebetulnya, apa saja yang termasuk KDRT?

1. Kekerasan fisik
Adalah segala perbuatan suami yang menimbulkan rasa sakit atau luka pada istri. Para korban mengaku ada yang dipukul, ditendang, diseterika, disundut dengan rokok, kepala dibotakin sampai disiram air keras.

2. Kekerasan psikis
Yaitu tindakan suami yang mengarah pada kondisi istri (korban) merasakan ketakutan. "Istri menjadi tertekan, lalu depresi, karena ruang geraknya jadi terbatas dan tak lagi merasakan kebebasannya sebagai individu." Contohnya pernyataan suami pada istrinya, "Kamu, kan, hidup menumpang." Atau suami mengancam istri untuk tidak ke luar rumah, dan kalau melanggar, harus menanggung akibatnya.

3. Kekerasan seksual
Ini lebih ke arah pemaksaan hubungan seks. Apalagi sekarang banyak yang mengajarkan cara atau teknik berhubungan seks melalui VCD atau media lain. Akibatnya, suami ingin menerapkannya tanpa kesepakatan dengan sang istri lebih dulu. Akibatnya, istri mengalami tekanan batin. Di satu sisi, mereka merasa jijik, tapi di sisi lain takut ditinggalkan suami jika menolak.

4. Kekerasan ekonomi
Adalah bentuk kesulitan ekonomi yang dialami oleh istri karena suami tidak memberi nafkah. Misalnya, setiap hari istri dijatah Rp 10 ribu untuk keperluan rumah tangga. "Cukup nggak cukup, harus cukup. Bahkan, ada yang tiap bulan harus bikin laporan keuangan, berapa pemasukan dan pengeluaran keluarga."

Biasanya, apa yang dilakukan suami semata-mata karena latar belakang keluarganya. Salah satu contoh, ibu sang suami sangat royal, sehingga sang ayah-lah yang mengontrol keuangan keluarga. "Nah, ia sering mendengar keluhan ayahnya tentang sifat perempuan yang boros dan suka menghambur-hamburkan uang. Inilah yang kemudian diterapkan pada istrinya."

Hal lain yang masuk kategori ini adalah larangan untuk bekerja. "Jika ini disepakati bersama, tidak ada masalah. Yang jadi masalah, sebelum menikah, calon suami sudah memberi syarat, jika sudah menikah, istri harus berhenti bekerja dan mengurus keluarga saja. Ketika rumah tangga mengalami kesulitan ekonomi, suami tetap bersikukuh istri tidak boleh bekerja." Menurut Asni, dalam kondisi apa pun, istri memiliki hak untuk bekerja, apalagi jika ia punya keahlian.

* taken from http://sukph1nk.multiply.com/journal *

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4 Women Men Avoid 2 comments

The Needy Little Girl

This woman is every man’s worst fear. This type of woman is whiney and frequently verbalizes how desperate she is to get married. What is so frightening about this type of woman is that men can’t often identify her until they are well into a relationship.

Initially, this type of woman appears to be independent. She has been told that she is clingy or needy and often overcompensates by trying to be ultra independent.

However, once she is in a relationship and feels safe, her neediness begins to manifest.

TIP: Ironically, these women would do better to allow men to see some vulnerability right away, which is actually what most men expect, rather than give to everyone else but themselves and then expect a man to make up for their empty feelings.

The Man Hater, Witch (or other like words)

This type is different from all the others in one aspect. Most men will give this type of woman more of a chance and try and win her over, simply because she is a challenge.

Because of her strength (anger), most men don’t want to be in a committed relationship with her (and forget marriage), but they are intrigued with her perceived strength and view it as a conquest if they can get this type into bed.

This type of woman has the competitiveness of a man and the sensitivity of a woman. In an instant, she can switch from being very seductive to emotionally distant.
Put simply, she uses her hatred for men as a shield to avoid being hurt……again.

TIP: These women tend to be very guarded against getting hurt. In relationships, when they do give their heart to a man, they often allow the relationship to proceed too fast, which frequently overwhelms most men. The most important thing they need to learn is how to s-l-o-w-l-y allow a man to capture their heart.

The Career Queen

The common myth is that men are threatened by successful women. Actually, like most myths, there is an element of truth to this, which makes it so appealing. Men are not “threatened” by successful women as much as they feel that a successful woman doesn’t need them.

I have counseled many single, professional women who have told me, “I make good money, own my own house and have a wonderful social life. I don’t need a man to make me happy.” My reply to them is often, “Then why would any man want to be with you? What could he possibly contribute to your life when you are self-sufficient and self-fulfilled?”

Granted, men don’t want a woman who is totally dependent on them, but it is flattering to a man when a confident woman allows herself to depend on them, versus when they don’t appear to need a man at all.

TIP: Most men want to be the center of a woman’s interest, whether that is fair or not, and don’t want her devotion to work placed above her devotion to him.

The Motor Mouth

From a man’s perspective, a talkative woman isn’t good or bad. There is a perception that women use thousands more words per day than men. What most articles fail to mention is that this depends on the topic of conversation.

If the subject is sports, most men will talk a lot more than a woman will. Should the conversation change to something feminine, such as a friend’s baby, the woman will inevitably use more words.

Most women are accused of being too talkative when, in actuality, they are speaking more simply because they are discussing a subject that has great interest to them, not just because “women talk more.”

In addition, most men aren’t good at talking over each other, the way women do effortlessly with their girlfriends. In a woman’s world, I speak, you speak, and everyone speaks together. Just join in the conversation whenever the mood strikes you.

In the world of men, that is considered rude because men view conversation the same as “having the floor” of a debate. In other words, when he speaks, it’s his turn to speak and he is not to be interrupted until he’s done. Now that’s a little overdone, but not far from the truth.

Therefore, when a woman asks a man a question and he proceeds to answer her – and then she begins to interject her opinions for the next 10 minutes – he’ll just quit trying.

TIP: Men aren’t that different from women. Excessive talking is actually a form of conversation hogging. Don’t dominate the conversation unless you know it’s a topic that interests him.

*taken from http://www.relationshipheadquarters.com/understanding-men/4WomenMenAvoid.html*

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Siapa Perempuan Itu ...? 0 comments

Dia yang diambil dari tulang rusuk jika Allah mempersatukan dua orang yang berlawanan sifatnya, maka itu akan menjadi saling melengkapi.

Dialah penolongmu yang sepadan, bukan sparing partner yang sepadan.

Ketika pertandingan dimulai, dia tidak berhadapan denganmu untuk melawanmu. Tetapi dia akan berada bersamamu untuk berjaga-jaga di belakang saat engkau berada di depan atau segera mengembalikan bola ketika bola itu terlewat olehmu. Dialah yang akan menutupi kekuranganmu.

Dia ada untuk melengkapi yag tak ada dalam laki-laki : perasaan, emosi, kelemahlembutan, keluwesan, keindahan, kecantikan, rahim untuk melahirkan, mengurusi hal-hal sepele....
hingga ketika laki-laki tidak mengerti hal-hal itu, dialah yang akan menyelesaikan bagimu sehingga tanpa kau sadari ketika kau menjalankan sisa hidupmu, kau menjadi lebih kuat karena kehadirannya disisimu.

Jika ada makhluk yang sangat bertolak belakang, kontras dengan lelaki, itulah perempuan. Jika ada makhluk yang sanggup menaklukkan hati hanya dengan sebuah senyuman, itulah perempuan.

Dia tidak butuh argumentasi hebat dari seorang laki-laki tetapi dia butuh jaminan rasa aman darinya karena dia ada untuk dilindungi, tidak hanya secara fisik tetapi juga emosi.

Dia tidak tertarik kepada fakta-fakta yang akurat. Bahasa yang teliti dan logis yang bisa disampaikan secara detail dari seorang laki-laki. Tetapi yang dia butuhkan adalah perhatiannya. Kata-kata yang lembut, ungkapan-ungkapan sayang yang sepele. Namun baginya sangat berarti hingga membuatnya aman di dekatmu.

Batu yang keras dapat terkikis habis oleh air yang luwes. Sifat laki-laki yang keras ternetralisir oleh kelembutan perempuan. Rumput yang lembut tidak mudah tumbang oleh badai dibandingkan dengan pohon yang besar dan rindang. Seperti juga di dalam kelembutannya, disitulah terletak kekuatan dan ketahanan yang membuatnya bisa bertahan dalam situasi apa pun.

Dia lembut bukan untuk diinjak. Rumput yang lembut akan dinaungi oleh pohon yang kokoh dan rindang. Jika lelaki berpikir tentang perasaan perempuan, itu sepersekian dari hidupnya.

Karena perempuan diciptakan dari tulang rusuk laki-laki. Karena perempuan adalah bagian dari laki-laki. Apa yang menjadi bagian hidupnya akan menjadi bagian dari hidupmu. Keluarganya akan mejadi keluarga barumu. Keluargamu pun akan menjadi keluarganya juga. Sekali pun dia jauh dari keluarganya, namun ikatan emosi kepada keluarganya tetap ada karena dia lahir dan dibesarkan disana. Karena mereka, dia mejadi seperti sekarang ini. Perasaannya terhadap keluarganya akan menjadi bagian dari perasaanmu juga. Karena kau dan dia adalah satu. Dia adalah dirimu yang tak ada sebelumnya. Ketika pertandingan dimulai, pastikan dia ada di bagian lapangan yang sama denganmu.

*disadur dari situsnya Dudung Abdussomad Toha*

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Why Nice Men Don't Call Back 0 comments

And the two reasons why you haven't done any of the five things listed below…

One of the biggest questions women have about men is "Why didn't he call back?" We know why insensitive men don't call back; they're creeps.

But what about men who seem too nice to be that rude? After talking to a lot of men about this problem, this is what it boils down to:

1. She said too much. Men tell me that many women go into way too much detail about their past relationships, especially of a sexual nature. Men don't want to hear it, even if they ask you to tell them.

2. She talked about all the bad things every man ever did to her...and she blames me just because I’m a man. Men hate it when a woman blames them for what some jerk, before them, did to her. It's like they're guilty until proven innocent.

3. She's angry at men. She's got a chip on her shoulder about men and carries a bit of anger toward all men...simply because they're men. This is a variation on #2 but it's about men in general, rather than specific men and incidences.

4. She lacks some or all of the qualities he's looking for. Most any woman's list of expectations regarding men, marriage, and relationships is pretty long. Consequently, most women settle for a man that lacks some of the qualities she is looking for. However, a man's list is very short.

For example, if a man's list of what he's looking for in that special woman is four items long, if one item is missing, that's one-quarter of what he needs. If it’s missing, he's gone...without an explanation.

5. She has sex too soon. Yes, most men want to get a woman into bed as soon as possible. But, if a woman he's really interested in has sex with him too soon, he quits calling because he figures if she did it with him so easily, she probably does that with others equally soon in the relationship.

It's a double standard, of course, but I'm just reporting the news. And ladies, don't say, "I don't usually have sex so soon." He won't believe it, even if it's true. He's heard it before.

He wants to think you're kind of pure, and maybe only had sex with the few men you were truly in love with. Wait until you think this man could become Mr. Right. He'll respect your desire to wait. If not, isn't it better to find out now?

Okay, you haven't done any of these things but he still doesn't call back. Again, setting aside that he isn't an insensitive creep, what's the deal?

Here are the two reasons that it boils down to:

He's not ready to get involved, and/or...you're not the right one. Pretty simple. You may be great and perfect, actually, for another guy; just not this guy. It reflects nothing negative about you; it's just that his list of requirements is very short compared to yours.

Remember, his list may be just five or six items. If only one of those items is missing, that's a pretty big percentage of the package he's looking for. What you need to learn to do is say, "Next."
I hope this sheds some light on why men do the frustrating things they do. Good luck!
*taken from http://www.relationshipheadquarters.com/love-and-dating/WhyNiceMenDontCallBack.html*

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Wanita yang Membuat Pria Tergila-gila 1 comments

Pria tergila-gila pada wanita cantik dan seksi? Itu normal, tapi tak cukup cantik dan seksi saja untuk membuat pria tergila-gila. Ada kalanya seorang pria akan bosan punya kekasih cantik dan seksi namun tak bisa diajak bicara. Wanita semacam ini hanya untuk dikagumi, namun tak akan duduk di urutan pertama wanita yang akan diincar untuk menjadi pasangan hidup.

Tak semua pria mengidentikkan imege seksi seorang wanita dari kemolekan tubuhnya. Banyak hal di luar faktor fisik yang tak kalah penting untuk dijadikan penilaian, seperti berikut :

Percaya diri
Wanita seksi harus punya rasa percaya diri yang proporsional. Pria senang dengan wanita yang tahu siapa diri mereka dan apa kesukaan mereka. Percaya diri termasuk bagaimana wanita punya rencana terhadap masa depannya.

Cerdas
Wanita seksi bagi pria adalah wanita yang bisa memancing topik pembicaraan menarik saat bersamanya. Apalagi jika Anda bisa membagi banyak hal baru dengannya.

Berselera humor bagus
Pria memang suka wanita cantik, tapi saat mendapatkan seorang wanita yang bisa membuatnya tertawa, ia tak sungkan memberi nilai seksi padanya. Bahkan meskipun tubuhnya tidak hot. Berada di dekat wanita berselera humor bagus terasa menyenangkan, sekaligus menunjukkan bahwa Anda cerdas dan percaya diri.

Punya senyum indah
Wanita dengan deretan gigi putih, bersih, dan rapi punya daya tarik tersendiri di mata pria. Hal tersebut menjadi indikasi bahwa Anda mampu merawat tubuh dengan baik.

Berjiwa petualang
Mendapati wanita punya jiwa petualang, pria akan memandangnya sebagai wanita seksi. Wanita penuh spontanitas dan tak canggung melakukan hal-hal gila punyai nilai plus di mata pria.

Bisa menempatkan diri
Rasanya, tak ada seorangpun pria yang suka dengan wanita dominan. Egonya bakal meluap saat Anda memperlakukannya bak bocah ingusan, apalagi di hadapan keluarga dan teman-temannya. Wanita seksi adalah wanita yang bisa menempatkan diri dengan baik.

* taken from: sheknows.com*

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3 First Date No-No's 1 comments

Contrary to popular belief, the priority on a first date should be more about not making a mistake rather than making a good impression.

Face it, the very fact that a guy asks you for a date means that you have already made a good impression.

Because of this, you don’t have to impress him; rather, your main focus should be to NOT do these 3 things:

#1 Don’t make suggestions; let him be in charge

Hopefully, you will never be in the position of a guy asking you for a date, and then showing up at your door and asking you the question every woman dreads, “So, what would you like to do?”

To be fair, the reason some guys do this is because they are worried about planning something that you don’t like. Rather than making a mistake in selecting the activity, they instead choose to avoid the risk of rejection.

Most, thankfully, know they need to plan the evening. If, however, you are asked about your preference, maintain your role as receptive female by saying, “I’m not sure, what did you have in mind?”

This will set the tone that HE is the man, and that it is his job to plan an evening to please you.

Don’t worry about coming across as a snob, witch or worse. If he is so insecure that he needs you to plan the evening, good riddance. Better you discover this about him now than later.

#2 Don’t pay for the meal

Regardless of what part of the world you live in, nearly every man believes that a clear sign that a woman is not interested is her insistence in paying for her own meal.

Now, many women have confided to me that they have offered (rather than insisted) to pay for their meal because they didn’t want to give the impression that they were selfish or just out for a free meal.

While their intention is noble, men don’t view it that way. Any first date is about a woman acting like a woman, not an equal. Leave the concept of fair at your work or school.

He didn’t ask you out because he wanted to spend the least amount of money possible.

On a first date, a man is more concerned that he can please you than he is about spending an extra $20-$50, I promise.

#3 Above all, don’t have sex with him

One of the fastest ways to ruin a potentially great relationship is to introduce intimacy too soon. Men are very driven to prove their power to themselves.

They usually measure this by what (or whom) they have conquered.

Frequently, when a man conquers something, he moves on to something else. Once the chase has ended, he becomes bored.

A wise woman knows that the more a man invests in something, the more he values it. Sex is a prize he receives in return for his devotion and commitment. The more casual a woman makes sex, the more casual a man takes commitment.

*taken from http://www.relationshipheadquarters.com/love-and-dating/3FirstDateNoNos.html*

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10 Kalimat Haram Diucapkan Setelah Bercinta 0 comments

Berhubungan seks dengan pasangan yang Anda cintai memang mengasyikkan. Saling memuji dan berbicara santai setelah berhubungan juga akan terasa menyenangkan. Namun, Anda juga perlu berhati-hati. Jangan sampai ucapan yang berbahaya terlontar dari mulut Anda.

Setelah tuntas bercinta, jika percakapan terus berlanjut, pastikan Anda tidak mengucapkan 10 hal berikut :

1. "Tadi itu lumayan."
Seperti baru saja menonton film di bioskop? atau menikmati sebuah teater di gedung kesenian? Jika Anda benar-benar menikmati hubungan seks itu, itu fantastis. Tapi, coba utarakanlah dengan kata lain. "Amazing!", "It's hot!", atau "Luar biasa!" bisa jadi permulaan yang baik.

2. "Sekarang kamu mau ngapain?"
Pertanyaan ini membuat pasangan Anda berpikir bahwa Anda memandang seks sebagai sebuah tugas.

3. "Lho, kok berhenti?"
Malaikat pun bisa tertawa mendengarnya. Kadang mood bisa hilang tiba-tiba kalau sedang low-batt.

4. "Kamu nggak apa-apa kan?"
Jika Anda mulai menangis, hilangkan rasa simpati dan berpura-pura tidak memperhatikan. Serius, walaupun Anda sedang berada di titik ‘kebahagiaan’, hal terakhir yang ingin Anda rasakan adalah malu.

5. "Ini bukan salahmu, tapi salahku!"
Quote satu ini terlontar ketika pasangan Anda mengalami ejakulasi dini, misalnya. Tapi, satu ini masih bisa ditolerir. Karena, seorang pria gengsi tinggi bisa menjawab, "Ya, kamu benar. Kamu memang terlalu 'hot' untuk seorang pria normal sepertiku."

6. "Oh, aku lapar."
Ini menunjukkan bahwa, selama pasangan Anda mencoba untuk memuaskan Anda, Anda justru memikirkan makanan, yang sama sekali tidak terbesit sedikit pun di kepala sang pria.

7. "Mau coba lagi?"
Rasanya seorang pria "bom seks" pun akan gemetaran mendengar kata 'coba lagi' yang terasosiasi dengan ranjang. Bagaimanapun, pria tak bisa disamakan dengan robot pemuas kebutuhan seks.

8. "Setiap orang kan memiliki hari sial."
Hindari kalimat ini walaupun biasanya pasanganmu cukup perkasa di sesi-sesi sebelumnya. Dia akan merasa kecewa karena Anda tidak menganggapnya perkasa lagi.

9. "Kamu nggak keberatan kan kalau aku selesaikan sendiri?"
Tentu saja tidak. Tapi, pasangan Anda akan berpikir, Anda tidak lagi membutuhkannya bagaikan sampah. Karena Anda bisa memuaskan diri sendiri tanpa ada dia. Lakukan saja langsung tanpa permisinya. ‘Pertunjukan’ Anda pasti akan dapat membantu mengobati egonya yang terluka.

10. "Itu terjadi dengan banyak pria."
Jika Anda mengucapkan kalimat ini, kombinasi kata-kata yang paling menjijikkan yang pernah ada, itu berarti Anda sudah layak untuk tidak dipuaskan.

* taken from http://family100.multiply.com/journal/item/252 *

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3 Things Men Can't Resist in a Woman 0 comments

A Woman Who Smiles (more powerful than you might realize)

A woman who smiles makes it easier for a man to approach her by conveying an attitude of confidence, warmth and playfulness. Since many women are fearful of giving men the wrong impression, they frequently guard their smiles.

While this approach is safer, it inadvertently sends the wrong message that she is someone who is overly cautious because she has been hurt.

In addition, smiling is a sign of acceptance. Men often need some signal that it is safe to approach a woman before they’re willing to risk introducing themselves (unless they are intoxicated).

A Woman Who Listens (instead of dominating the conversation)

Women are generally perceived as rarely really listening to men, at least not beyond a few minutes. Most of the time, a few minutes is all men really need. But since most men hate to be rejected, it is easier for them to keep conversations superficial. Men expect most women to want to talk, rather than be willing to listen.

If they happen to meet a woman who listens with her eyes (looks at him while he’s talking) as well as her ears, they are intrigued. If she continues to listen and not take over the conversation, she’s the kind of woman that men can’t resist and will eventually marry.

A Woman Who Dresses Feminine (men are really visual)

Everyone knows that men are visual. However, women often forget just how helpless men are to what they see. The right visual stimulation can hypnotize any man. Unfortunately, women hear this and often become fearful. They mistakenly believe that men only notice perfect women.

Forget perfect! If you really want to be noticed by men, think colors, dresses and curves. Men basically like any woman who has that soft and cuddly quality. It isn’t that men don’t find women attractive in pants or when they are dressed comfortably – they just don’t notice them as easily. It doesn’t catch their eye like sparkly earrings, pretty colors or flowing dresses and long hair does.

Conversely, a powerfully dressed woman (think lots of red) makes most men think of sex, or not notice her at all. She may have a soft side, but if men can’t see it, they often don’t know it exists. The more feminine (softer) a woman dresses, the more men she will attract.

*taken from http://www.relationshipheadquarters.com/marriage/3ThingsMenCantResistinaWoman.html*

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50 Universal Truths About Men 0 comments

1. Why should I remind you that “I love you?” I already told you once.

2. I’ll do anything for sex; even commit to you for life.

3. I hate arguing with you. I’d much rather find a compromise.

4. I love long hair. Sorry, but I do.

5. When you speak softly, I can’t help but listen.

6. I need to be told “no” sometimes. Not a lot, but every now and again reminds me that you are expensive.

7. Please don’t ask me how you look unless you’re willing to trust my answer.

8. My eyes notice other women a lot more when you are upset with me.

9. When you’re happy with me I can’t help but want to please you.

10. If I don’t feel I can make you happy, it makes me feel less than a man.

11. I expect you to be ready when I pick you up.

12. Cigarettes make any woman look cheap and easy.

13. I'm scared if I let a woman inside my heart, she'll take advantage of me.

14. If you can’t stand up to me when I’m a brat, you’re too weak for me to open up to when I’m upset.

15. Sitting quietly next to me after you’ve made me a meal is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free ticket. You’ll be surprised how quickly I can forgive.

16. You did something hurtful. If I never bring it up, I’m considering leaving you.

17. I don’t read minds. Remember, I’m not a woman.

18. You may know fashion, but I wish you’d dress to please me, not other women.

19. If I’m losing my hair, it’s not funny. Would you like me to joke about your weight?

20. When I talk to you about golf and you act bored, it would be nice for you to remember all the times I’ve listened to you talk about what is important to you.

21. The woman I love is easy to please. She appreciates the effort I put into making her happy, even if I get the details wrong.

22. You look hot in a dress.

23. I hate being told what to do when I don't ask for help. It makes me feel like you're my mother.

24. If you sleep over, I might eventually marry you, but I'm less motivated.

25. During sex my ears are as sensitive to your words as your skin is to my touch.

26. I need some type of signal or cue to walk across the room and approach you. What if you’re married!?

27. It makes me feel like you trust me when you ask for my advice.

28. It feels competitive when you insist on being in charge.

29. Being respected is more important to me that being loved.

30. I want every man to envy me when we arrive as a couple. Please don’t let yourself go.

31. When I’m upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important than what you say.

32. I hate it when you minimize, ignore or tell me I don’t mean my compliments. It makes me want to stop giving them.

33. I’m more insecure than you think. Why do you think I need your respect so much?

34. I don’t always know how I feel. That’s why I don’t tell you.

35. I don’t need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.

36. If I do one thing and say something contradictory – go with my actions – that will always tell you what’s in my heart.

37. I find myself wanting to please you when you simply smile at me without asking for something (like a favor).

38. I really don’t want to hear about any of your ex-boyfriends, regardless of the point.

39. If I don’t share what I’m thinking, it’s because I don’t think you will listen without interrupting.

40. I don’t like to argue and I don’t like to guess what’s wrong. Just tell me so I can fix it.

41. I love it when you put your hair in a pony tail. Yes, it’s a Freudian thing.

42. Don’t ask me, “Are you going to wear that?” when I’m already dressed.

43. A gentleman should always be respected by his lady in public, even if she is disagreeing with him.

44. If you don’t believe you’re pretty, you won’t believe me when I tell you, no matter how many times I say it.

45. It isn’t how much you weigh, it’s that your body is proportionate, which is so attractive.

46. Sometimes I have weird, strange or very sexual thoughts. I don’t take them seriously and I don’t want to share them with you (or anyone).

47. Sometimes you really don’t want to know what I’m thinking. See above.

48. If you cheat on me, it is nearly impossible for me to get over it.

49. I don’t remember everything about our relationship but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

50. I need some time to myself to calm down when I’m upset so that I don’t say something I will regret.

*taken from http://www.relationshipheadquarters.com/understanding-men/50UniversalTruthsAboutMen.html*

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Seberapa Besar Potensi Anda Berselingkuh ..? 0 comments

Pernahkah Anda berselingkuh ?

Rupanya tak hanya pria yang punya potensi untuk berselingkuh. Wanita pun memiliki "bakat" tak setia. Ingin tahu seberapa besar kecenderungan Anda untuk tidak setia terhadap pasangan?

Coba cek kuis berikut dan jawablah dengan jujur !!

1. Apakah Anda pernah berselingkuh?
a. Ngapain juga selingkuh? Kalau sudah bosan, ya putus saja sekalian.
b. Tidak pernah, saya takut kena karma.
c. Jujur, saya sempat kepikiran, akhir-akhir ini. Habis dia sibuk melulu.
d. Pernah. Hari gini, siapa sih yang tahan setia 100%?

2. Menurut Anda, apa yang menyebabkan seseorang berselingkuh?
a. Karena komitmennya kurang kuat.
b. Mungkin karena sudah tidak nyambung lagi dengan pasangannya.
c. Karena menemukan yang lebih baik dari pacar yang sekarang.
d. Sebenarnya karena ada kesempatan saja. Siapa pun bisa selingkuh!

3. Selama ini, sudah berapa kali Anda menjalani hubungan serius?
a. Sekali berkomitmen, saya selalu menjalaninya secara serius.
b. Selepas kuliah, semua hubungan cinta saya serius.
c. Beberapa kali, tetapi semuanya kandas di tengah jalan.
d. Semuanya masih dalam tahap penjajakan.

4. Bila Anda atau pasangan punya affair, apakah affair itu harus diakui secara jujur?
a. Iya dong. Kejujuran terhadap pasangan itu sudah harga mati.
b. Dalam banyak kasus, iya. Sebab jujur dan terbuka adalah landasan hubungan yang sehat.
c. Bisa iya, bisa tidak. Tergantung situasinya.
d. Kalau tidak terpaksa ngaku, buat apa sih menyakiti hati orang lain?

5. Apa pendapat Anda tentang si dia?
a. Dia punya segala kualitas yang dibutuhkan seorang perempuan dalam mencari pendamping.
b. Pacar saya adalah orang yang baik dan pintar menyenangkan hati saya.
c. Meski good looking dan menyenangkan, dia kurang mampu membawa diri di hadapan keluarga dan teman-teman saya.Yah, nobody's perfect, kan?
d. Dia seorang pria yang tampan, charming, dan mapan. Tetapi kadang-kadang saya ingin membetulkan gaya berpakaiannya.

6. Ketika sedang menjalin hubungan serius dengan seseorang, si mantan yang pernah bikin Anda jatuh cinta setengah mati, melakukan pendekatan kembali. Apa yang Anda lakukan?
a. Cuek saja. Siapa suruh dulu dia tak mau serius dengan saya?
b. Menanggapi, tetapi hanya sebatas teman.
c. Ditampung saja, sekaligus menjawab rasa penasaran saya kepadanya.
d. Que sera sera, deh....

7. Apa yang akan Anda lakukan bila kekasih berselingkuh?
a. Langsung putus, dong. Buat apa berhubungan tanpa rasa saling percaya?
b. Kalau berjanji tidak akan mengulangi, saya maafkan. Tetapi saya takkan pernah melupakannya.
c. Balas dendam, dong. Memangnya cuma dia yang bisa selingkuh?
d. Takjub, karena biasanya sayalah yang selalu dikejar-kejar pria.

8. Berapa orang yang tahu password e-mail, Facebook, dan Twitter Anda?
a. Pacar dan saya saling tahu password masing-masing. Buat jaga-jaga saja, siapa tahu kelupaan.
b. Saya simpan sendiri semuanya. Tetapi kalau pacar ingin tahu, ya akan saya berikan.
c. Ngapain juga password diumbar kemana-mana? Saya kan butuh privacy.
d. Tak seorang pun kecuali saya.

9. Apakah Anda bisa berbohong?
a. Jarang-jarang saya berbohong. Buat apa?
b. Saya hampir selalu ketahuan kalau sedang berbohong.
c. Pada saat-saat tertentu, bisa saja. White lies itu terkadang diperlukan, bukan?
d. Seperti Winona Ryder, saya bisa tampang polos setelah mengutil di toko.

Hasilnya :

Mayoritas A: Setia 24 jam!
Anda beruntung karena menjalin hubungan cinta yang mesra dengan kekasih. Kalau sudah saling cocok, buat apa pula berselingkuh, bukan? Tetapi, pada dasarnya Anda memang tipe perempuan setia. Jika ada hal yang tidak beres dalam hubungan, Anda memilih mengutarakannya langsung kepada kekasih dan menyelesaikan permasalahan, atau sekaligus bubaran saja. Bagi Anda, kejujuran dan kesetiaan adalah harga mati dalam membina suatu hubungan.

Mayoritas B: Perlu refresh hubungan
Hubungan asmara yang "aman-aman" saja, jangan disikapi dengan "take it for granted". Pasalnya, percintaan yang adem ayem lama kelamaan bisa berubah jadi membosankan. Akibatnya, Anda berdua bisa tergoda untuk mencari "hiburan" di tempat lain. Segarkan kembali percintaan Anda dengan melakukan kegiatan seru berduaan. Di lain pihak, sempatkan pula pergi hangout sendirian atau bersama teman-teman, supaya Anda punya waktu untuk merindukan dirinya.

Mayoritas C: Ada potensi selingkuh
Meski kekasih cukup oke, sepertinya Anda masih menginginkan yang lebih dari dia. Mungkin si dia kelewat sibuk sehingga tak lagi membuat Anda merasa cantik dan diperhatikan. Memang, seringkali perempuan berselingkuh ketika kebutuhan emosionalnya tidak terpenuhi. Jika si dia tidak memberikan perhatian yang cukup atau jarang menyediakan waktu bagi Anda, tak perlu ragu mengatakannya. Jangan sampai Anda tergoda untuk bermain api dan terpelosok menjalin affair.

Mayoritas D: Anda mudah tergoda
Anda tahu, selingkuh itu tidak baik. Tetapi apa daya, jauh di dalam hati, kadang-kadang Anda tidak merasa nyaman bila menjalin hubungan terlalu lama dengan satu orang saja. Selain karena bosan, Anda juga sebenarnya membutuhkan "ban serep" lantaran takut patah hati di tengah jalan. Jika sudah ingin menjalin hubungan yang serius, sebaiknya jauhkan diri Anda dari godaan. Anda sendiri yang paling tahu, situasi seperti apa yang bisa "menantang" untuk berpaling ke lain hati.

*taken from http://family100.multiply.com/journal/item/250/Seberapa_Besar_Potensi_Anda_Berselingkuh*

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7 Hal yang Bikin Kondisi Putus Makin Parah 0 comments

KOMPAS.com - Putus hubungan dengan kekasih memang menyakitkan. Karena merasa belum bisa menerima kenyataan ini, wanita seringkali mencari-cari alasan untuk bisa tetap berhubungan dengan mantan kekasihnya.

Padahal, seperti diungkapkan oleh Susan J. Elliot dalam buku barunya, Getting Past Your Breakup, menghentikan kontak dengan mantan perlu untuk benar-benar menyembuhkan diri dan merasakan kesedihan setelah momen putus yang berat. Tentu, dia memahami betapa sulitnya saat hal ini harus dilakukan (karena ia pun mempunyai pengalaman yang sama). "Supaya benar-benar mampu melewati pemutusan hubungan ini, Anda perlu berpisah secara emosional, fisik, dan psikologis dari hubungan yang lalu, dan cara utama untuk melakukannya adalah dengan berhenti menemuinya," jelas Elliot.

Dalam blog-nya, GettingPastYourPast, Elliot juga mendapati tujuh alasan utama yang biasa digunakan wanita untuk mendapat pembenaran saat berusaha tetap berhubungan dengan mantan.

1. "Bisa enggak kita terus berteman?" Wanita adalah pihak yang biasanya ngarep seperti ini. Kedengarannya memang indah, namun dalam kenyataannya, seorang mantan tak akan bisa menjadi teman sejati, khususnya segera setelah putus. Anda pun akan makin sengsara ketika melihatnya telah menggaet wanita lain.

2. "Aku harus mendapatkan kata penutup sebagai perpisahan". Kata-kata yang ingin Anda dengarkan sebagai "pengesahan" perpisahan itu mungkin akan sulit Anda dapatkan, tak peduli seberapa sering Anda berkomunikasi dengannya. Penutupan terbaik justru bisa datang dengan menahan dorongan untuk berdialog, dan melanjutkan hidup Anda tanpanya.

3. "Aku ingin mengatakan satu hal lagi sebelum kamu pergi". Ini hanya merupakan versi lain dari usaha mendapatkan kata-kata perpisahan, dan alasan lainnya adalah untuk tetap berhubungan dengan sang mantan. Padahal, dalam kenyataannya, berhubungan dengan Anda hanya memberikan mantan Anda kesempatan untuk menyakiti Anda lagi.

4. "Aku ingin tetap ada peluang untuk kembali bersama". Ingin melakukan rekonsiliasi dengan kekasih, memang suatu perasaan yang wajar. Namun meskipun Anda berhasil menyambung kembali hubungan Anda, hubungan yang terjadi tetaplah berbeda. Ketika Anda putus, lebih baik gunakan waktu untuk berpikir dan "menikmati" rasa sakit yang terjadi untuk merenungkan apa yang sebenarnya sedang terjadi.

5. "Aku hanya ingin mengembalikan barang-barangnya". Hm... ini hanya alasan Anda untuk bisa bertemu kembali dengannya, bukan? Bila memang ada barang-barangnya yang masih tertinggal, segera lakukan dalam dua hari sejak putus. Setelah itu, gunakan saja jasa kurir untuk mengirimkan barang-barangnya.

6. "Aku lagi kesepian". Menghabiskan waktu dengan mantan tentu lebih nyaman buat Anda, karena Anda telah lama mengenalnya. Namun, percayalah, hal ini hanya akan membuat Anda berlarut-larut dalam kondisi yang sebenarnya harus Anda hindari, dan membuat Anda terpaku pada masa lalu. Inilah saatnya Anda benar-benar memutuskan komunikasi dan pertemuan, dan mencari seseorang yang baru. Mungkin juga Anda hanya perlu menemukan diri Anda kembali untuk bersenang-senang.

7. "Kami berada di lingkungan yang sama". So what? Anda memang tidak mungkin menghindar untuk tiba-tiba bertemu dengan mantan, namun tidak berarti Anda harus terus berhubungan dengannya. Bila harus berurusan dengannya, jaga agar Anda tetap berbicara dengan sopan, singkat, dan tidak mengungkit-ungkit sesuatu yang buruk di masa lalu.

Jadi, sebesar apa pun dorongan dalam diri Anda untuk mulai meneleponnya kembali, mengirim SMS, email, berkomentar di status FB-nya, lebih baik Anda tidak melakukannya. Dengan demikian, hati Anda akan lebih cepat sembuh, dan Anda siap melanjutkan kehidupan Anda lagi.

DIN

Sumber: Your Tango

*taken from http://gunungsimping.multiply.com/journal/item/23/7_Hal_yang_Bikin_Kondisi_Putus_Makin_Parah*

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Tips Merencanakan Jenis Kelamin Bayi 0 comments

Mau anak Lelaki atau Perempuan?
Jika berencana memiliki anak dengan jenis kelamin tertentu cobalah atur pola makan Anda.

Makanan yang dikonsumsi orang tua juga berpengaruh pada jenis kelamin janin dalam kandungan. Penelitian menunjukkan orang tua yang memiliki anak lelaki banyak mengonsumsi natrium dan potassium, sedangkan orang tua yang memiliki anak perempuan banyak mengonsumsi kalsium dan magnesium.

Jika sedang berencana memiliki anak dengan jenis kelamin tertentu cobalah atur pola makan Anda sebelum hamil. Peneliti menganjurkan beberapa makanan yang Anda dan pasangan bisa konsumsi agar janin berjenis kelamin sesuai yang direncanakan.

Anak Lelaki
Jika Anda dan pasangan menginginkan anak lelaki perbanyak konsumsi kentang, jamur, buah cherry yang manis, pisang, jeruk, peach dan biji-bijian. Kurangi konsumsi selada, kol, brokoli, dan kacang polong.

Anak Perempuan
Jika Anda dan pasangan menginginkan anak perempuan perbanyak konsumsi terong, wortel, ketimun, kacang polong hijau, lada, bawang dan kacang-kacangan. Kurangi juga konsumsi pisang, jeruk, anggur dan melon.

Para peneliti menyarankan agar diet tersebut dibicarakan dengan dokter. Asupan makanan lain pun diperlukan dan tidak boleh diabaikan seperti protein dan karbohidrat. Jangan sampai karena mengikuti diet, ketika hamil perkembangan janin bermasalah.

"Manusia boleh berencana, Tuhan yang menentukan .."

*taken from http://family100.multiply.com/journal/item/236*

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The Week-by-Week Breakup Survival Guide 0 comments

You've just split with someone you loved dearly, and you're devastated. But as impossible as it may seem, you'll get over him. How do I know? Because I've been there. Everyone I know has been there. And I'd bet money that you could fit all the people who haven't been there into one small room. You loved, you lost—but at least you loved. We all came out the other side, and so will you. Clear the tears long enough to stop the page blurring and I'll tell you how it's done.

Getting through the next 30 seconds seems impossible when your boyfriend just broke up with you. But you really will survive this breakup. Honest. How?
Follow my week-by-week breakup survival guide:

Surviving a Breakup: Week One
The minute the breakup happens call your closest friends immediately and ask them to come over. While they're on the way, call another friend or your family and don't get off the phone until the doorbell rings. Then (and only then) are you allowed to lose it completely. Cry as much as you can, shout, snort, sob —do whatever it takes to let out as much emotion as possible. Then talk. Go through the whole thing from start to finish and keep going until you can't analyze it any further (or until your friends fall asleep).

If they can't stay with you, go back to their house. Do whatever it takes (well, within reason) not to be alone on that first night. You'll cry yourself to sleep, but brace yourself: Waking up the next day is the worst moment of all.

The next day reality kicks in, and it hits with full force. Your aim today is simply to survive it because " He's gone, I'm alone" will run in a continuous loop in your head. Again, surround yourself with people who care. True friends will let you tag along wherever they go. Take them up on it. If they're visiting their granny in an old people's home, go with them. Heck, follow them to the loo if they take too long. The other reason why you need to be around friends is this: The urge to call him, see him, e-mail him, text him will be almost overwhelming. Don't do it. If there was hope of reconciliation, the person who ended the relationship will be the one to make contact. Not to put too fine a point on it, but that's not you.

Surviving a Breakup: Week Two
Pick up the phone and don't hang it up until you've booked something for every possible second of the next two weekends and weeknights. Come clean and tell people you've split up, even if you do play it cool and insist you don't care. If you don't want to talk about it, say so. People won't want to upset you—and they will want to spoil you. Let them.

You're not going to like what I'm going to suggest now, but it's a crucial step: I want you to gather up all the couple-y stuff you collected throughout your relationship. The cards, the CDs, DVDs, letters, his old toothbrush, photographs—anything and everything. Put it all in a trash bag and shove it in a cupboard out of sight. Put his e-mails into a special folder and don't open it. Delete his old text messages. Stop going online to see if he's online. Don't go to any events where you might run into him. Don't go to places that remind you of him. In other words, avoid anything that makes you think of your ex and any contact with him. Why? Because you really are kidding yourself if you think lying around listening to "your song" and re-reading old love letters is going to help you heal or magically get him back. It won't.

In fact, if there's honestly any hope of reconciliation, seeing you get on with your life is far more likely to make it happen. It's been proven over and over: Act like you don't need him (even if you do) and he may well realize he wants you, too. If he comes over to beg forgiveness and notices his picture's been removed, you'll win respect, not disapproval. The quicker you accept he's gone for good—even if he isn't—the quicker you'll get over him and the more likely it is he'll want to return. It's a win-win situation. The reverse is also true: Hassle him with phone calls, texts, follow him around with puppy-dog eyes and he'll thank the Lord he got out when he did.

Surviving a Breakup: Week Three
Do some spring cleaning, both physical and emotional—first up, your flat. Unless you've just this minute finished the redecorating and that's what caused the split (am only half kidding here—renovating is stressful), consider sprucing up your home, even if it's just to change the bedspread and add a jaunty colored vase. Any (positive) change at this point is good.

Your emotional spring cleaning involves making two lists. The best strategy to accept that someone is gone is to collect as much evidence as possible to prove that you're a wonderful person who deserves better—and that he isn't as fabulous as you thought. It sounds terrible, but it's also realistic. After all, if he's that perfect for you, he wouldn't have broken up with you in the first place!

List one: Ask a good friend to help you write down everything great about yourself, all your successes and achievements both big and small.
List two: Find your ex's flaws. It doesn't matter how much you did or do love him, no one is perfect (not even him). Write down every single fault and weakness you can think of. Stick both lists on your bathroom mirror so you look at them daily. While you're at it, look at yourself in the mirror every morning and evening and say out loud to yourself, "It's over. He's not coming back. I will survive." Keep doing this until you can look yourself right in the eye, speak confidently and believe it.

Surviving a Breakup: Week Four
A shred of self-respect should be resurfacing by now, so it's time to cut the umbilical cord. Ask mutual friends to stop reporting back every piece of gossip about your ex. Don't spend your life trying to find out about his. Beware of friends who encourage you to believe your ex will 'come back: They're trying to make you feel better, but they aren't doing you any favors. Don't believe it unless the words come directly out of your ex's mouth.

Now's a good time to start diagnosing the break-up properly. If you have any good friends whose judgment you trust implicitly, ask them to give input. Was it just bad timing and incompatibility, or are you constantly falling for people who are bad for you? Do you grab onto anyone because you're scared of being on your own? Encourage your friends to be brutally honest and take whatever they say on the chin: If they know you well, there's at least a grain of truth to their theories. If you have a history of bad relationships, consider seeing a therapist for a few sessions. Feel especially tempted to call your ex after all this analysis? Don't! If you really must pour out all your intimate revelations—and are they really any of their business?—write a letter. But wait two weeks before posting it: Chances are, you'll decide he doesn't need to know after all.

Surviving a Breakup: One Month Later
At this point, a certain amount of logic should be in effect. Even if he came back, could you trust him not to leave you again? Even if you did call and beg for another chance, wouldn't you always wonder if he only accepted because he felt sorry for you? Your brain's exhausted from diagnosing and dissecting the break-up and, quite frankly, you're a bit sick of thinking about it. You stop taking all the blame for the split and realize it's rarely, if ever, one person's fault. Your friends stop worrying you're about to jump off a bridge and call less. Their eyes start to glaze over when you mention your ex's name. You're forced to spend nights alone, and you feel okay about it. Not great, just okay. You still feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness and still wonder (for the 600th time) what your ex is doing at that moment, but it should no longer be the focus of your existence. (If it is, again, get yourself along to see a therapist.) Life goes on.

One final piece of advice at this point: Don't rush to fill the cold spot in your bed. Give yourself time to grieve and heal and sort through all the baggage. The right time to start a fresh, new, serious relationship is when you honestly believe you understand what went wrong the last time and—even more importantly—feel confident of your judgment to pick someone who really will be a happy, healthy choice. Even then, go slowly and keep both eyes wide open—not just to protect yourself, but to savor the new love in your life. Because if there's one advantage to breaking up, it's this: You get to go through that delicious falling-in-love stage, all over again!

Don't miss out on any fun!

by: Tracey Cox

*taken from http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnsbreakingup*

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