Introducing Your Guy to Your "Crazy" Family: Getting through It 0 comments

"And you thought your parents were embarrassing." That's the slogan for the film Meet the Fockers. Movies and books make it seem like the challenge of bringing a new beau home is in getting your parents to approve of your boyfriend. But the real challenge is in getting your boyfriend to like your parents ‑- not to mention the rest of your crazy clan. Will your family's eccentricities scare your new man away? Not with the help of our old friend: damage control.

Pre-Meeting Maneuvers

Your first move should be to give careful thought to whether you really want to bring together these potentially combustible forces. Says dating expert April Masini (www.askapril.com), "Introducing your boyfriend to your family for the first time is a major step that announces, 'We're serious,' as in marriage or a long-term committed relationship." Are you really ready for that?

If you answered yes, that your relationship is grounded, not fly-by-night, then bringing him home is inevitable, and we shift into phase two: Plan now, suffer less later. Not only do you need to prepare yourself emotionally, you also need to guide your guy, as well as your family, when it comes to the best things to do and say ‑- and to avoid ‑- on the big day. Tina Tessina, LMFT, PhD and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again, adds, "Find out his expectations beforehand and share yours." And don't forget to (diplomatically) suggest that your guy bring a hostess gift ‑- always a big step toward a positive first impression. Who knew a fruit basket could carry so much weight?

Quirks Are Us

Let's just say your little brother is a relentless practical joker (frogs down shirts, whoopie cushions on chairs) and your father dislikes anyone who doesn't whip out the pom-poms for his favorite sports team. These are factoids about your lovely family that should be shared with your man ahead of time, not withheld from him. Just tell it like it is.

That means not keeping him in the dark about wacky family traditions. Lori Goggan, a 24-year-old account executive, learned this the hard way. When she brought her boyfriend to her parents' house on Halloween night, the couple were handed "seasonal" pants to change into. "It was game night," Lori recalls. "Not only were we expected to play Pictionary, we had to wear special team uniforms." Luckily, the boyfriend in question was a good sport, which won him points with both Lori and her family. And best of all? "Our team won," Lori says proudly.

Lay Down the Law

When the latest Bachelor brought his top two contenders home to meet the folks, a major reason the meetings were such perfectly cringe-worthy television is because he didn't say a thing to his parents beforehand about how to behave. TV producers live to showcase the awkward moments ‑- but good ratings are no reason for you to up the anxiety quotient.

Clearly you want to lay down a no-drinking rule to a parent with tipsy tendencies. Same goes for recommending that the folks clear a little space in your brother's trophy-crammed room so your boyfriend can at least unpack his suitcase. Tess Marshall, psychologist and author of Flying by the Seat of My Soul, strongly suggests telling your parents which subjects are off-limits. "You don't want your mom going on and on about how much she loved your ex, and how heartbroken you were when he dumped you two weeks before the wedding. Likewise, stay off hot-button subjects like politics, sex and religion."

Another wise move: Alert your parents beforehand if your boyfriend's values or lifestyle don't conform to their expectations. Jean Schmidt, a 32-year-old options trader, recalls wryly, "I forgot to mention to my father, who is very traditional in outlook, not to make a big deal about my boyfriend being a standup comic. The first words out of Dad's mouth to Greg were, 'So how is a starving artist like you going to support my daughter? Are you going to get a real job?'" Jean adds, "I only got Greg to agree to a return visit after he was booked on Conan, so he could prove he wasn't a failure!"

Psych Yourself Up

It's likely the scenarios you're imagining in your head are far more disastrous than the actual event will be ‑- remember, this isn't a big-budget movie and your beau isn't Ben Stiller at his all-out wackiest. So try to stay calm. Tess Marshall suggests visualizing the meeting going well. See your guy arriving and everyone sitting down to eat, laughing, talking. Once you can imagine the meeting being a bearable, even fun event, you might actually start looking forward to the get-together. (That's called seeing the glass as half full, folks.) And if you're the type who needs to verbally share, then pay attention to April Masini's tip: "Tell your boyfriend ‑- or, better yet, someone who won't be part of the event, like a girlfriend ‑- what your fears are. Get them all out. Everything. Once you talk it through, the big scary fears can be deflated." If you do tell your guy, beware of an unintentional side effect: Sarah Foules found that talking to her boyfriend made the thought of his upcoming visit much more tolerable. But as a side effect, the 32-year-old nurse began dreading her eventual meeting with his family. "Listening to him talk about his family made me feel my war stories were no big deal. His parents sounded like a total nightmare!"

In the end, when the meeting is over and your family has managed not to humiliate you too badly, your boyfriend will still love you. After all, he's dating you ‑- not your sister, your Aunt Sally or your mother. And if he wishes he were dating your mother, well, that's another article. All of that said, don't feel compelled to apologize for your family. They may be a bit strange, but they're still your flesh and blood ‑- so acting ashamed of them really doesn't reflect well on anyone, including you.

*taken from http://love.ivillage.com/snd/sndcouplehood/0,,sfsn-2,00.html*

read more "Introducing Your Guy to Your "Crazy" Family: Getting through It"

Tips for Meeting His Parents ... 0 comments

So you're meeting his parents? Congratulations! That's a big step in a relationship, but don't put too much pressure on yourself. Consider it a meet-and-greet: No need to cram in every last detail about yourself over a single meal. Keep the conversation to basics such as where you live and what you do and ask lots of questions. Parents also love to hear about the fun things their son and his girlfriend have done together: restaurants you both enjoyed, a wild-and-crazy amusement park, a silly gag gift he bought you. Some other tips?

* Remember that his parents are probably just as nervous as you are! (In most cases, if their son likes you, they want you to feel like you'd fit in with their family... so you'll stick around and keep making their son happy.)

* Don't go empty-handed. Better yet, bring a gift that means something personal to you. For example, if you're originally from California, give his parents See's Candies. That way you have a gift and a built-in conversation starter. Also, generally flowers, candy or dessert (or even coffee) are safer bets than wine when it comes to meeting parents.

* Don't discuss politics or religion (the same rule you apply when meeting anyone new). I don't think I even need to say that sex is off-limits. Use common sense. However, if his parents specifically ask you who you're voting for—the election is top-of-mind for many people these days—simply find something nice to say about each candidate's personality. Don't get into the issues, or the atmosphere could go from very pleasant to very tense very quickly. Note: Just as this is an opportunity for them to get to know you, this is also an opportunity for you to get to know them and to better understand your guy given that these people raised him. If they’re uber-religious, just keep in mind that your guy grew up in an uber-religious home. Whether or not he’s since decided to eschew religion, that upbringing is a part of him.

* What if you're a vegetarian, your boyfriend forgets to tell them (big oops) and they ask you why you're not eating the lamb chops? Easy: "Mmmm green beans. These are amazing. Can I have the recipe?" (Then make your boyfriend stop for pizza on the way home.) No need to make anyone feel bad.

* Remember: No matter what, if all else fails, the one thing you have in common with your guy’s parents is that you all care deeply about this one person. So telling them one unique quality that you’ve noticed in him that makes him stand out is not only a compliment to him, it’s a compliment to them.

* While you’ll inevitably feel nervous about meeting your guy’s parents, feel confident in the fact that your guy invited you to meet his parents. He wouldn’t do that if he weren’t proud to be dating you. Also be sensitive that this is a scary situation for him, too: He wants your parents to approve of you and he wants you to feel comfortable around his parents. So be there for each other.

*taken from http://sexonmydesk.ivillage.com/love/archives/2008/09/meeting-his-parents-dont-try-t.html *

read more "Tips for Meeting His Parents ..."

10 Traits Men Look for in a Girlfriend... 0 comments

Our mission: To find out exactly what men are looking for in a good girlfriend. Impossible? Not exactly. We simply turned to Lisa Daily, syndicated relationship columnist and author of Stop Getting Dumped, who promises to help readers find and marry "the one" in three years or less. Daily followed her own advice and married her dream man, who proposed at the top of the Eiffel Tower after a six-month courtship. Now, she is determined to help other single gals do the same. A dating guru, Daily interviewed — and continues to do so — hundreds of bachelors to find out what makes a woman marriage material in this day and age. Here, Daily dishes about the 10 traits every man is looking for in a serious girlfriend:

1. She has a life of her own — and it's pretty good to boot
Ladies, this means that you take care of yourself, pay attention to your personal style and find time to hang with your fabulous friends and family. You seek adventure by traveling. And you take in life's pleasures — from indulging in dessert to walking through the park on a sunny day. "You don't expect your boyfriend to be your entire existence," says Daily. In other words, you're not waiting for some man to show up, so you can get your "real life" started.

2. She never makes the first move
This issue has been debated to death, and there is no true consensus. But Daily says that she strongly believes women should never, ever pursue a man. Instead, she suggests waiting for the man to initiate and plan dates. Her reasoning: If the woman is always the one calling, she will never know if he is really interested in her or if it's just convenient for him. She may find herself questioning the relationship every step of the way. Men simply aren't programmed to think like that and therefore are better suited to the chase, Daily says.

3. She is sexy without being trampy
This means something different at the beginning of the relationship than it does down the road, Daily says. In the beginning of courtship, a woman should refrain from making any comments that are overtly sexual. She also flirts by using nonsexual touch like placing her hand on his forearm or even the knee but only briefly. When the relationship gets more serious, and presumably more intimate, sexual touch and public displays of affection are more appropriate. At this point, it's okay to play footsie under the table.

4. She waits to have sex
Yes, the sexual revolution arrived long ago and few people expect a "pure white bride" nowadays. But sex is still a pretty big step for couples. Daily says that many women don't even realize just how much sex changes the dynamics of a relationship. When women have sex, they release a hormone called oxytocin (also referred to as "the cuddle hormone"), which some scientific researchers believe makes women feel extra warm and fuzzy for their sex partners. Daily warns that if women do the deed too soon, they might make too much of a relationship that barely ever existed outside of the bedroom. When you inflate the significance of a relationship, the man often bolts. Daily's advice is to wait at least one month into the relationship before having sex with your new man.

5. Show she cares
Daily has one friend who noticed that her traveling salesman boyfriend never had time to get his shirts washed, so he would just go out and buy new ones. Her friend started to drop off his laundry at the dry cleaners once a week. Daily herself cooks for her husband. "It's as if he doesn't even know where the kitchen is," she says. "But that's not to say that he starves when I'm out of town." No, you do not have to turn into June Cleaver. The bottom line is that you should want to do the little things that let him know you care and you are paying attention to his individual needs. And he should do the same for you. Daily boasts that her man scrapes the ice off her windshield on cold winter mornings!

6. She should be her boyfriend's best wingman — err, wing woman
Help him to look good in front of the boss, advises Daily. Laugh at his jokes and help him shine when it is important. Of course, again, he should do the same for you.

7. She never turns on the pressure
This one is important. Men have a distinct aversion to any sort of pressure, says Daily. Therefore, women should avoid calling and/or emailing him many times during the day or dropping hints about the future. In fact, keep the dreaded M-word (marriage) out of your vocabulary all together. "Men don't want to constantly take the pulse of a relationship," says Daily. "They would rather just enjoy it."

8. She does not take any crap — from anyone
A good woman never accepts bad behavior. Guys respect women with whom they can't get away with anything. If he knows there's a penalty — like getting thrown to the curb — for a serious violation like cheating, he'll respect you more, and he will be far less likely to do it. You should also never even bother to date married men, those who already have girlfriends or anyone who verbally or physically threatens or abuses you. Period.

9. A good woman always chooses a good man
That means that you should look for someone who is honest and dependable. He has to treat you right. If he says he is going to be somewhere, he is there. Chivalry is not dead, by the way. "Good manners are a deeper window into what kind of man he truly is," Daily says. You should also have compatible views on money (which is the number one thing couples fight about). Even though they say opposites attract, savers should think twice before shacking up with wild spenders.

10. She knows that love is the biggest part of the mating equation
Just how does a good woman know that she has found that crazy-for-you, toe-curling relationship? Daily says that some women have an "a-ha" moment, while love simply sneaks up on the rest. "I believe the feeling includes a unique sense of comfort and acceptance and the feeling that someone else's happiness is as important to you as your own," Daily says. "A certain amount of toe curling is key as well."

read more "10 Traits Men Look for in a Girlfriend..."

Tria's Wedding Invitation 0 comments

read more "Tria's Wedding Invitation"

After Hours at Sky Dining ... 3 comments

Ini waktu BJers ketemuan after hours di Sky Dining - Plangi ..... Cuma ada satu kata: " Guwe suka gaya loe loe pada ... "
Enjoooooooooooooooooyyyy .... ;))

IK

*photos courtesy of Feby n Fendy*

read more "After Hours at Sky Dining ..."