Revealing Your Past

Everyone has a past. Some of it is great and we want the world to know of our triumphs and achievements, while other parts of it might not be something to be proud of. Our experiences may have made us who we are today, but we don't necessarily want to shout about all of them from the rooftops.

Eventually, a new girl is going to start asking questions about your history. Some of your past is straightforward and can be discussed there and then. The rest of your history might be trickier to disclose, so you'll have to be selective about which details to reveal and which should stay in the vault.

If you have difficulty discerning between these two categories, however, follow our guide to what you should keep quiet from your new love.

Number of women

The one question most women will push is how many women you've slept with. It's also one question you should avoid answering like the plague. There is no good answer to this. If you’ve slept with too few, she'll think you're inexperienced and sheltered. If you’ve slept with too many, she’ll assume you're a player just looking to add some notches to your bedpost.

Avoid answering by insisting it doesn't matter. Tell her all that is in the past and it doesn't matter now because you're with her. If she's forcing the issue, cliches such as “You're the only one who matters” or jokingly insisting she was your first could get you out of it. Similarly, don't express any interest in her number.

If you feel compelled -- or coerced -- to give an answer, stick to the 7-11 rule: If you've been with less than seven women, round up that figure; if there's been more than 11, knock it back down to 11.

Past relationships

Many women ask questions about a man’s past relationships to try and figure out what kind of boyfriend he'll be. How should you handle her dabble in private investigation? Simply don't go into too much detail.

In the early stages of a relationship, talking about an ex should be completely off-limits. They just aren't relevant to the new thing you have going on. Later, as you start to find out more about each other, references to past girlfriends should be limited -- ideally to just a name, a time and a vague description of why it ended.

It's important to show you aren't still emotionally involved in the relationship, which means you shouldn't recount every little thing she did to hurt you. When giving a reason for the breakup, stick to generalities, such as “We were heading in different directions” or “We just outgrew each other,” rather than a blow-by-blow account of every argument you had.

Don't overplay all the bad points of past relationships in an attempt to show the new girl you're over an ex. You'll come across as bitter and still stuck on it. This also sends warning signals to her that if the two of you break up it could be a nasty, drawn-out process.

Should you tell her about those strippers in Tijuana?

Discussing all the good points of a past relationship is a tricky issue. It could lead to jealousy, resentment or her thinking you're still in love with the ex -- you wouldn't like it if all she talked about was how great the boyfriend before you was, now would you? It's best to keep these memories to yourself, and if your current girl does ask about them reply, “I can't really remember -- I haven't thought about her in such a long time.”

Unsavory history

You might think your misspent youth could provide some stories that will make her laugh, but think carefully about the ones you tell. If she's a conservative who’s dead against drugs, don't tell her about that week you spent in Amsterdam. Likewise, a brief spell of shoplifting as a kid could cause her to view the adult you in the wrong light.

Everyone has little adventures in their past that could prove unpalatable to others. As you get to know your new girl better, you can judge which of your stories she will find amusing or interesting, and which stories you should keep buried.

Hidden past

Some of us, however, might have some very big events in our past. Which ones to tell and which to conceal depend on the nature of those secrets and how they could affect the present. For example, an outstanding parking ticket is OK to “forget” -- it's unlikely to cause any problems for your relationship. However, if there is an arrest warrant with your name on it in the next state, it's probably wise to 'fess up.

The same could be said for drug abuse, gambling debts, or any other big secret. If it's truly in the past and done with, there's little point dragging it up too soon. But if there is a chance it could come back to bite you (and her) on the ass, a good move could be to put all your cards on the table.

Wild sexual experiences

That night you went home with the stripper... Those twins in the next dorm at college... That 30-year-old woman you hooked up with when you were 17. Everyone has those little sex stories they're proud of, but don't necessarily brag about them to mom. Well, you shouldn't brag about them to a new girlfriend, either.

While you don't want to come across as inexperienced and naive, you also don't want to paint yourself as a debauched libertine. A couple of steps toward kinky is desirable: Let her know you're open to light bondage, blindfolds, spanking, etc. But don't let her know you once owned an extensive collection of rubber wear.

Save the sex stories for your buddies. With them, it's all laughs. But see how much you'll be laughing when the new girl leaves you for being a pervert, or she tells you a few stories of her own.

It's in the vault

Covering up the past may not be the ideal way to start a new relationship, but it is the easiest, safest route to take. Whether you choose to neglect to mention some events or downright lie about them is up to you. Any detail from the past that could rear its ugly head and cause problems should be dealt with. The rest can be swept under the rug -- to lie next to all the secrets she's been keeping from you.

*by Gary Jackson, http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_150/181b_dating_advice.html*